Nervous

The most exciting day is coming for Alex...cochlear implant surgery on Thursday. I should be ecstatic, instead, I am so nervous! My son has the cutest, most perfect little head. I can't stand to think about it being cut into a flap and then sewn back together. I hate the idea of walking him down to surgery and then handing him over to someone else. I know he'll be scared and confused and feel downright terrible when he comes out of anesthesia. If I didn't really have confidence that this was the best course for Alex, I would SO back out.
When Alex had his baby blessing, he was blessed that he would have many opportunities to serve, receive an education, and have the life that we want for him. Alex received this blessing a few days after he had passed the newborn hearing screening in one ear. We were so relieved! Then, the day after his blessing I took him back to have the second ear tested. Surely, that darn fluid would be gone by now. The test took FOREVER! I waited in the foyer with the kids watching Tom and Jerry cartoons while Spencer went back with the audiologist. I started to get nervous about the length of time, but then, you never know with doctors. When they finally came back, it was all bad news. Not only had the second ear failed again, but the first ear had been re-tested and failed. How could this be? My son? Deaf? What? I couldn't believe it. I remember bawling with my baby in my arms, waking up in the middle of the night and bawling some more, trying to explain to my other kids how this could be...and not coming up with any of those inspiring or thoughtful answers. I remember Googling Cochlear Implants and calling Spencer at work to tell him about it. And all I could do was remember his blessing, given by a faithful priesthood holder (his Dad) which outlined wonderful opportunities for Alex. I am so glad that Heavenly Father worked it out so that we had some inspiration before the bad news. And now, a year later, I am still hanging on to that blessing. I know that the surgery is the right choice for him. My son will hear with his CI. I know he'll still be deaf, but he will hear birds, crickets, phones, grandparents, teachers, employers, and music. I can't back out, but you'll know I'll be bawling when I hand him over to those surgeons. He really does have a perfect little head. Please pray for my son on Thursday.